My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just google imaged poop.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize