Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
