I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
