trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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