Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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