Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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