dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
