I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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