we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
