Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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