her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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