the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
