ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I wear drunk well.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
