Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
