i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
