Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
