Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He has the fingertips of a God
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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