we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
