You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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