Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
