on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
