ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
