So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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