well I can't set my house on fire every night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize