you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
