I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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