either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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