We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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