I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Alive.
So much puke
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
