You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
