Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I need to sanitize my soul.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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