if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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