Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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