U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
