Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
