watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
