He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
