My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
