did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize