I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
