What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
