some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
