We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
