Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
