Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
