i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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