I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
