Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
