This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
