Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
