I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
