he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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