Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
