Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
