DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
