am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
