I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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