went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
