If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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