I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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