Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
