hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Randomize
