New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
