I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
