totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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