Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
