you guys were way drunker than both of me
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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