He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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