i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
