ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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