I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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