Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
