I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
