Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize