i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The struggles of a small town man whore
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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