Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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