His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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