dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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