I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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