btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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