My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
