hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i drank out of a bidet.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
