We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
