getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize